How Not to Cook Veggies

Last Edit August 2, 1999

Take one tired mother
Take a late night
Take a headache because the e-mail server is acting up
And because it's been a very long and trying day
Take a pot of leftover vegetables
Add water
Place on a HOT burner
Leave the room
Lay down by the TV set
Fall asleep for a few minutes.
Eyes wide closed.
Wake up to a smoke-filled house
Thank God that it's not your new pot.
Wish you had the really big fan you almost impulse-bought and will return to get now
Air out the house.
Throw out the vegetables.
Go pick up child.
Stopping by the store en route to grab something for supper.
Serve a salad.
You can't possibly burn that.
Have child supervise the chicken breasts you are cooking.

You can also melt teapots this way. You know the whistling teakettles? My mother and I go through them like water.

The bottoms melt right off - don't ever lift the molten teakettle off the burner - you will melt your kitchen floor with droplets of molten metal - to say nothing of burning yourself. Remember that a stove element (electric or gas) is replaceable and is cheaper than a new floor or a trip to the emergency room.

You can melt any pot if you leave it on long enough.
Especially when the burner is set on high.
Don't even need flames.

Of course, my brother heating paraffin by setting the custard cups directly on the burner without placing the custard cups in a pan filled with water was great for setting the stove insulation on fire. Smelled paraffin for 6 months. Even after I trimmed the insulation. Finally replaced the stove!
So I am not alone.
It's why I have fans.
And a fire extinguisher.