|
Last Edit May 7, 1999 Eating a teaspoon of low-fat peanut butter does not reduce your craving for nuts or other food - it has calories - 60 (rounded spoon).The end of the month requires that you get some sleep. It has nothing to do with food. If you are tired - take a nap. If you are falling asleep at work - go home. You are useless anyway. Or go out and take a nap in your car. Keep a pillow, an alarm clock and a blanket in the car along with all that other junk your kid leaves in there. Remove leftover food like stray French fries. You might eat it. If you are tired, eating will not keep you awake. Get a fidget ball. It will. Drinking coffee mixed with International foods powders is not fat-free - unless you have the no sugar - no fat - no caffeine variety - I can only find French Vanilla that way - and coffee makes you want to eat because you always eat something with coffee. Limit this treat to once a day - if you are sneaking in another cup - stop it. 6-7 Almonds are good for you on a rare occasion - but a whole can of them is not - and nuts are not on the diet plan when carbohydrates are not supposed to be there either. The same rules apply to walnuts and peanuts. That last piece of cake and that last cookie that is dry and stale does not have to be eaten because there are starving children in the world - there always are and there always will be. You do not need to eat for them. It won't help them. Taking your son shopping and allowing him to bring home chocolate candy and popcorn and crackers and cookies and chips with cheese dip is not being a good mother - he needs to loose weight too. And you know that you do not need to eat these things to protect him from himself. When his face breaks out before the prom he will understand. If the people in your house do not "clean their plates" there is no need for you to eat it for them. Be relentless - serve it again. Sneaking a bite of food is not a treat - it is a disaster. And why are you sneaking? Who in hell is going to yell at a grown woman? There are laws against that. The ice cream in the freezer is low fat and not calorie-free. There is no room for it on an 800/day diet. You just think there is. And if you have to take pills because you are lactose intolerant - what are you thinking? If cheese and ice cream are suddenly attractive - have you taken your 1500mg calcium today? You will lose weight when you want to. Just don't gain. You will fall asleep when you need to - just don't do it while driving a car. Love those. If your son leaves open boxes of triscuits, wheat thins or cheese crackers around, you do not need to eat one or two or three or four to see if they are stale. You don't need to put honey or jelly on them either. Close the wrapper and let him find out. There is nothing wrong with 1.5 Cups of lettuce, 6 oz of tuna packed in canola oil and a tablespoon of hot sauce. It's called dinner. Bring home lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, onions, garlic, carrots (baby), green peppers and fat-free dressing for him and vinegar for you. Keep low-fat sliced turkey, chicken and ham in the fridge - 8 Oz can alternate with the tuna fish. Your kids might even make their own sandwiches. (Yeah, right!) At least they will eat the meat. Whenever you get to go out, tell the waitress/server that carbohydrates are not to touch your plate. It's worth his/her tip to help you. Five-star restaurants do this very well. Pretend Fabio is your dinner partner and think what he would say to what you are eating. Feel guilty. It's good for you. Makes you strong. If the program calls for four packets a day - drink all four packets. Period. If you can't get to one - drink water. You do not need to eat something to "tide you over". Carry a packet and a shaker bottle with you at all times. Ignore stares at work when you are using a portable mixer to electrically whip up the protein drink - you do not owe them an explanation. Or tell the nosy men that it is a vibrator. For nosy men. Works. Skipping a packet does not help the diet. It throws off the balance. Skipping a packet because you know you will need to leave a meeting and charge the nearest restroom within the hour is not an excuse. Sit near a door. Eating prunes for regularity does not help - 3 of them are 100 calories. Taking laxatives when needed is better. And there are some God-awful things available to help at the drug store. Ask a pharmacist. Ask a doctor. Stool softeners and lots of water should be tried first. All-bran cereal does not help a diet. Don't bake cookies often and don't bake ones you are particularly fond of. Don't ice cakes. Don't even think of baking a pie. Let them buy it elsewhere and not eat it in front of you. If the loaf of bread is calling to you - fresh, soft, newly acquired - be heartless- put it in the freezer. If that last cookie is calling, throw it away. And then empty the trash. If you suddenly find a wild passion for corn flakes - take your vitamins. Especially your calcium if cold milk on the corn flakes is really what you desire. Take your medication on time - vitamins, 50mg of iron, Centrum Silver or regular, Myadec, stress tabs, 1000mg of E (for muscles), kelp, lethicin, Vitamin C (1000 units - because it helps your skin). Wild cravings mean some nutrient is missing and your body is looking for it. It is on a scavenger hunt. It does not mean you are hungry. If your stomach is growling - drink hot black tea and take an anti-gas pill. You have indigestion. Do not lick your plate. Or anyone else's. Don't lick the beaters - the raw eggs could kill you. If it's too hot to walk - go anyway and carry a bottle of water. If it's too cold - wear a coat and gloves. If it's raining - do 160 leg lifts when you get home.(20 each leg, front, back, each side 4x20x2-160). A few extras won't hurt. In the bathtub, do 20 leg lifts each side - watch the water - it will surge. You are making waves. In the shower, drop the soap. Pick it up. If they schedule a meeting at lunch time - skip it - especially if they are serving food. Set up your Meeting-Maker at work with time blocks. Get angry when thwarted. Express yourself. If men are staring at your chest, your waist, your newly emerging figure, stare at their crotch. If you can see it under their belly. Better yet, stare at the belly and firmly suggest that walking to the next break room would be of benefit to their health. The Nordictrack is not a coat hanger. It is also not a toy for the teenager. If he breaks it, make him pay for service. The treadmill you put on the porch that got rusty along with the exercycle can be rescued with WD-40. Use it. The bike with the low tire - find a bike shop and buy a good pump. Have the bike serviced. Find a trail. Or ride around and around the block until you're dizzy. You can also mount the rear wheel on a stationary stand and bike yourself silly right in your own home. The weight machine in the garage - dust it off. 20Lbs with high repeats works. If the kid put too many weights on the barbell - make him take them off. Better yet, pick it up in one hand (if you can) and then tell him to take them off (mine was only at 30lbs.) Works. Keep at least one area of the rug vacuumed and your hand weights near it. Throw a tantrum whenever he drops his jeans or shoes or backpack or books in your area. Really throw a fit when he turns a whole-house-fan on and blows your income taxes all over the room. Then pick them up one piece at a time. Good for the back and legs. Expressing anger burns up calories. Mow the lawn. Haul the garbage. Vacuum. These things burn calories. Don't forget the skin bleach, SPF protection and a hat. Can't have it be simple. Clean the garage. Lifting boxes (carefully) is good for you. So is getting rid of dust. Makes you feel good. Justifies the ice cream. Sure it does. And Hell just froze over. |
Domain Home Page * My Greetings Page * My Vitae * My Bio * Main Story Index
For information about this file or to report problems in its use email dewhite@NOSPAMbest.com