Mad in Manhattan

Last Edit February 13, 1999

I flew red-eye to NY.
I found Janice and the limo.
Crazy lady in a green dress, I am ready.
We regale the limo driver all the way from JFK to the studio.
We are early.
We walk to Big Momma's for eggs and coffee.
We go back. It is cold but not too cold. Just a problem if you stand around.
Not ready yet.
As we wait we meet, low and behold, Kathryn Falk of Romantic Times. She is there to see Eric (Fabio's partner).
Good.
We will stick like glue.
We wait in line. We are "VIPs" - which, it turns out, is meaningless drivel.
We do get taken to a bathroom upstairs - good, the line was too long downstairs and there were men anxious to use to men's room.
How inconsiderate of them!
We get escorted to the elevators.
Oh My God!
And that's what burst from my mouth.
I almost ran into him!
Tall blond God in blue jacket.
He is smiling. Janice says he saw me well before I spotted him. He is laughing.
My brain is mush. My cameras packed and unloaded. I collapse on Janice.
Eric even nods hello and says, "See you upstairs."
Fabio waves at me as they whisk him away into the elevator.
And that is last time we get near him!
We go up to the show.
We are 2nd row from the stage.
We are told pictures during commercial time.
OK I can handle this. I load my three cameras.
We get to clap and clap and clap. Practice.
I have my poster - 4' long. It is the only one. We all have hearts to hold up.
My 17 year old made this.
It survived the plane trip.
It has lips and hearts stamped on it.
It says "The Fanclub Loves you Fabio". Thank you my child. You are sweet.
Fabio is scheduled for the third segment.
I am a mess.
Tom Selleck is in the first (and is the major guest). He is OK. I can handle this.
By the second round I am nervous. I have taken test shots.
Then it is time.
He comes in from behind us.
Damn.
He carries a bow and quiver full of pink-orange roses.
He passes them out and hugs one woman in the back balcony.
I am next to the camera dolly.
He walks right by me - but he knows where I am and hands me a rose on his way to the stage. You see the back of my head.
They never filmed the poster.
He gets to the stage (I am the only one in the front section to get a rose) and gives the rest to the hostesses - mostly to Star Jones.
The whole pitch is about the desert contest for I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. They pass out chocolate covered strawberries to the audience. We also get books (I threw mine away) and a beanie baby - pooh bear for me.
Who cares?
Then they move him back to a kissing booth.
It's staged and low and behold they pick the wrong woman! They roll with it cause it is live.
He is behind me now and then, when they break, he makes it across the room too fast. I try to follow with the camera and am ordered back to my seat. I get a distance shot and he is out of there.
We are stuck for three more show segments.
No close up.
"Bitter pill," says Janice.
We keep close track of Kathryn.
We listen to Tom Wopat. Normally I would be pleased. I am not. I am furious. They don't film me. Good thing.
We bolt as soon as it is over. We go with Kathryn. On a hunt. Our quest. The reason to be here.
We end up downstairs and on the street so fast it was like a roller coaster.
Kathryn cannot wait and leaves.
I can't believe this!
I was sure I would get a valentines greeting for the fans. Their appearance schedule. Something!
We have no where to go and no way to get there.
We are properly pissed.
One good thing. I know there are publicity photos because I saw them taken and the photographer told me what department to contact.
This is dangerous knowledge to give me at the moment.
If pictures are possible, I will get them. Eventually. My Dr. White persona can be formidable. One my nicknames is ball-breaker. I am quite proud of that.
But I have no appearance schedule so I will have to work backward after the fact. Thank God for the fan club grapevine. The East coast alerts me in time for the West coast to tape things.
Can we say a lack of marketing savvy? I can.
3,000 miles for a smile.
Well, it was his smile. And I got a rose.
But it was not enough.
The phones will be ringing. Count on it.
We are not through yet.
We call Romantic Times offices just as Kathryn gets out of the cab.
We talk to her but no one has contact information.
I don't have the number for the LA office. They don't either. Their person who has it is out.
We have done this after a slight detour for something to drink. I find Medifast spilled all over the inside of my bag and my new Polaroid camera. I have spilled coke on my dress and on my shoes.
I can't find my pens. Janice can't find hers.
The let down is that severe.
We realize that the time difference means it is too late to call LA anyway.
He got away.
Now I will be a stalker.
Heads up guys!
You owe me one
I still have to fly back red-eye tonight. By tomorrow I will be, in a word, testy. I actually already am.
Just a tad.
So is Janice.
We span both coasts now.
The hunt is on!
It's not nice to fool mother webmaster!
Just ask Toyota!