Listen to the Radio....

Last Edit February 15, 1999

So I am driving down the road in my truck on my way to work at the blazing speeds of 2-7 MPH and flipping channels and bored out of my mind.
One station, 107.7 normally annoys me in the morning but I like rock and roll and like them sometimes (depends on the tirades).
So I flip it on.
They (she announces) FABIO!
Ye gads!
She's from NY and he met her at the radio station there and again it's about butter.
My mind is already mush today. My air tickets unconfirmed (today's task). My bag almost packed. And the American pilots dispute is causing ripples. I have had three panic attacks and here comes the subject of my musing.
I roll the volume up high.
Fabio's voice croons out of the radio speakers.
He's announcing the new contest for I Can't Believe It's Not Butter (ICBINB).
I decide I will cook again.
Diet be damned.
They discuss the product.
Hey. I used Blue Bonnet for 30 years until a certain tall blond god did an ad.
Now I have it in tubs, in sticks and spay, regular and light.
Butter wouldn't melt in my mouth.
He croons something in Italian in the low sexy voice of his.
I scream
But I don't wreck the truck.
Don't care if it's not addressed to me.
Melting in my seat.
The other drivers are giving me stares as I pound the steering wheel.
Then he casually mentions that he's just signed on to do a feature film.
THOR.
And Charlton Heston will play [the voice of] his father.
I've now totally lost it.
I'm shaking. I'm hyperventilating. Where is my Asthma inhaler? Home? Of course!
They left town without e-mailing me his scheduled appearances! They kept this mum!
Where is their PR? USE ME FABIO! WORK THE WEB!
Don't they realize who is going to take (read DRAG) their children to see this movie?
Buy this video?
THE MOMS!
Who do you think went back to see Start Wars a half dozen times? And it wasn't to see Luke or Darth either. It was to see Harrison and his blaster!
Thank goodness I changed stations. Thank goodness I heard this.
Now we know.
The web hunt is on!
ICBINB is the driver behind this sudden emergence of Fabio on TV and radio - guessed that when I saw him spray the bagel on Jay Leno.
He croons some more Italian in that low voice. He laughs, that low chuckle. This has gone on for more than 5 minutes or so. For once I am not annoyed that they aren't playing music.
I decide I may like this DJ.
I am oblivious to the road.
I wonder if he will bulk up at all to promote THOR. He really doesn't need to!
I know how he will look in tights. Very Good!
They'd better give me data in NY tomorrow - else I may have a nervous breakdown.
I'll confirm my flight now.
The woman is asking him if he has a date for Valentines day. Discussing that now she is closer to his home base in LA.
I decide I may NOT like this DJ.
Fasten your seat belts!
I have 8 miles more to go!