My Boys Do Not Like To See Their Mother Ill

Last Edit October 21, 1998

My boys do not like to see their mother ill.
Or disfigured.
My seventeen year old expresses this upset by yelling at me and hiding in his room. My older one just stays out of touch.
They don't like me sick - I can't take care of them. I am supposed to shop, buy them things, cook food, pick up their clothes and wash them, take them places.
Well, one of them anyway. The other one is on his own.
The only way he'll live with me again is when I move in with him. Shoe on the other foot, so to speak.
But the younger one remains.
Does not like me overweight. Expresses this with various nicknames and gestures.
Even if he is.
Does not want my hair any color but ash brown. No gray. Does not like steaks. Expresses this.
Only time he verbalizes.
Has begun noticing my clothes. Likes me in makeup and dressed to go out. She has blond hair.
He wants me healed. He wants the marks of the laser gone. It annoys him that he has given this edict and nothing has happened.
We need to talk.
My face is slowly healing. The white dots are gaining on the red dots but you can still see the red ones. Even under makeup.
When I started coughing and sneezing and my face became a red beacon from the fever, he expressed his upset at this as well. Three temper tantrums. If I tape recorded these, he would be embarrassed. I learned long ago not to take it to heart. Boys take a while to learn anger control. They just lash out in any direction handy. And I am usually handy. I don't think they even fully remember what they say. They just vent.
Then he came out and quietly asked, as I wreathed in pain on the couch - coughing tears up my stomach and gives me a headache - "Are you all right, Mom?" Sweet boy. He was worried.
The doctor was too.
The pills are about 1 inch long - 875mg of Amoxicillan. A decongestant for the AM. Another for the PM (different formulas). A cough syrup for the daytime. Another one for the night. I shouldn't operate heavy machinery. I don't, usually.
She suggested something else - to buck up my immune system. You lose at least 40% of your immune system when you diet. I don't want to stop the diet. Got a heavy date coming up. Don't want to bounce off his chest like I did in Little Rock. I was more padded than he is. I like being smaller. Two sizes and going on three smaller. I fit under his arm better. Like that.
Can't sew yet.
Can't even cut out the date dress.
I want a nap.