OK - Where In The World is Fabio????

Last Edit August 1998

Somebody misplaced Fabio.
At least, it seems like it.
It's been 3.5 years since I had a hug. 'Course I got two of them. Guess they were supposed to tide me over.
It's been months since I saw a really good photo. Even the lawsuit stories used old art. (He won.) Even his last book cover was old.
So who's hiding him? Fans want to know. I want to know.
He was supposed to be on Vibe! They cancelled the series.
He was supposed to be on Howie Mandell. After two dates were set (June '98, August '98) he has still not confirmed. Or, his publicist hasn't.
This last time, I was going to fly to LA for the taping. My almost-seventeen year old son was going to go with me. He even let me buy him a shirt. Three of them. Real shirts. He doesn't want me running off to see Fabio on my own. He was being protective. He is also opening negotiations for a faster computer. Before I get mine. New computer games. A faster modem.
Fabio is scheduled to be on the runway at the Batchelor Auction for Make-A-Wish in, of all places, Little Rock, Arkansas on August 28, 1998. I already have a runway seating ticket. I already have a room. I am about to make plane reservations. He'd better show up! My son can't go to this one. I won't be alone! I am in a group. It's a girl thing. We will be stalking......
I have ordered the doctor to put me on Medifast (again) - I am not gaining anymore - we think I am stable (little do they know) - but I am not losing.
I should lose something before the 28th. Maybe I can fit into one of those dresses I made before. On one of my earlier encounters.
Or, maybe I'll go shopping. Yes, come to think of it. I want to try Delta Burke's line. I own most of Susan Gravers line and some Caroline 2002. My son rolled his eyes and suggested his brother help him pick out a suit. (He's going to be a senior.)
I already bought new shoes. Took six pairs home, like one. About normal. My son began pointing out his were wearing out.
I've decided I like burgundy hair. Maybe I'll add highlights. It's definitely longer. I'll get a razor cut trim. She does well, my hairdresser. My son wants a trim. From my hairdresser.
I have a date with my plastic surgeon. How long does it take for a facial peel to recover? Think I should? Squeeze one in? My son has a mole and a scar to be removed.
New costume jewelry? I bought out half of Nolan Miller and Joan Rivers. You'd think I had enough. Never!
My almost-seventeen is plotting. He has to do it alone - his brother no longer lives at home. I know this. I haven't tripped over anything of his in quite awhile. Can't say that about the younger son.
The one who whips out a tape measure and makes me check his chest measurement periodically. When he isn't squishing my nose into it. (He discovered he can flex and nearly suffocate me. Thinks it's cute. I point out that Fabio has never done that to me. It causes sulking.)
Or it causes me to be pressed into a sweaty armpit. (Gag!)
A sweaty 6 foot 2inch tall teenage boy does not smell nice. Fabio smells nice. Very nice. Always.
I told my child I was willing to go $1,000 to bid for Fabio. I tell him it's for charity. (Like I stood a chance.) I mentioned that he went for $12,000 the last time he did this. Oh, well.
My child then told me I could go to the movies alone. What? No one to hold my seat? Fetch my jacket? Act as an icebreaker in the Antarctic when leading me out of a crowded theater?
"That's right", says he, raising one eyebrow. "If you're gonna spend $1,000 on HIM, it's gonna cost you $1,000 to keep this hunk at home!"
He's got me.
Trouble is, he knows it!
Darn!
Maybe he should go on the runway..........At least I'd know where he was!