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Date: September 12, 2007
A friend of mine tried Match.com. She was matched all right. To three very big loosers.
"Do you like guns and swords?" - that's a dead give-away that the person in question shouldn't be on-line looking. What's he looking for?
Now, if you get "Do you like to drink blood?" ------ dead give away he's a vampire---- ha ha
I have GOT to write a story about this!!!
I will have to do it.
I understand eHarmony works better. You have to spend a few hours filling out 400 questions, which supposedly screens you (and other predators). And then matches show up. Supposedly. Maybe, maybe not.
They all suggest I try this. My friend had 232 matches ---- met three and then - wham! She's probably getting married. She swears by eHarmony.
Let's see - --
I'm a dominatrix --- and I like to cuddle-----
My sons picked out my Dom outfit ---
My younger son photographed it -----
My older son wants to borrow the whip ----
I also look good in an apron ----
I like to cook - sometimes ----
I like to camp in a tent ----- snow, rain, wind , sand, whatever
I like the opera ----
I can bake in a kitchen or over a campfire -----
I can wear velvet and make my own home-made slinky gown or turn up in baggy jeans ----
I used to hike and may again if I can get my leg back---
I love chocolate and nuts in that order----and consider them part of the food pyramid-----
I like the Bourne Identity series, Spencer novels, and Jane Austin----
I like humorous romantic vampires and stong silent lovers (in novels) ---
I like British mysteries and Science Fiction ----
I am a Trekkie ----
I have whips and swords and chains and guns ----
I sleep with a calculating kitten-cat who has strict rules about how much of the bed I can have and where I may put my spare pillows ---
I write hot sex stories and books on controller design ----
I can still wield a pick-ax, shovel and big hammer ----
I love planting in the spring, growing tomatoes (I got small ones this year) and onions, and summer squash (I got nada this year) ---
I always have planters full of flowers or pots on the kitchen counter ----
I have a green thumb -----
I drive a truck ---
I sew, knit, do fancy embroidery and can paint houses ---
I mow my own lawn and saw limbs from trees -----
I can grow fruit (apples, cherries, plums) and make jam and can bake bread from scratch.
I can wire electrical outlets and install lights ----
I am about to make fruit cakes (takes 3-4 months to properly drown them in wine before serving)
I am hell with a weed-whacker or brush clippers -----
I repair my own fences ----
I can fix up spreadsheets better than most accountants ---
My tax drawer looks like the aftermath of a hurricane ----
I can eat supper out of a peanut butter jar or fix Fillet -----
No one bothers me when the Closer, NCIS, CSI, Torchwood, Pride & Prejudice, Mystery (any) or Bloodties is on
My house is either pristine or looks like a bomb went off - lately more of the latter -----
I am a procrastinator who meets deadlines -----
I am insecure or self-assured depending on the time of the month ---
I make a mean Southern-fried chicken and a to-die-for chocolate cake known to give men seizures --- in a good way ----
I can burn food with the best of them ----
I have set my oven and my kitchen on fire - literally ----
I have also put them out ---- literally ---
I am a self-studied trained sex therapist ---
I am a frustrated architect ----
I have started a company and am determined to sell a story or a novel this year ---
I type controller design documents all day -----
I write hot sex scenes with a vampire at night-----
That's just a few----
I would give the eHarmony program fits!!!!
My friends insist there is someone coming for me --------- that I will turn around and there he will be.
If I run over a cute cop with my truck, maybe.
I think a pressed uniform, a six-pak or the potential of one, lots of leather and his own handcuffs would be a big plus. Bloody convienent.
But I will only tie him to the bed if he begs.
And he would have to clean my guns --- preferably while naked --- or dressed in tall boots and a holster --- my fantasy ---
Marriage? Goldie Hawn style. As far as I will ever go -----
Oh yeah. He's got to be financially my equal.
Supported two of them. I'm done with that!
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