|
Printed in the April 2008 Newsletter of the Silicon Valley Romance Writer's of America
by
Donnamaie White
She hunts down and shreds more than one roll of toilet paper a day and your 12-roll pack is in danger (and trying to find TP at 3AM while seated can be difficult). (At my age.)
Your throw rugs have all been flipped over upside down or half-way and walking in your house is now hazardous to your health.
She spends time crawling around the edge of the big throw rug - one front and one rear paw on each side - claws extended - grip grip grip.
Catnip is OK but can't cause the same reaction as trouser socks tossed and torn up. (She has a foot fetish - esp. warm, lived-in feet.) (I am always out of socks.)
Things that make noise or skid freely that you threw away you now find on the floor in various rooms when coming back from work.
She spends time upside down under the new sofa clawing her way along while mewing.
She suddenly decides catnip toys ARE fun and leaps 6 feet into the air - and right into the drapes.
There are claws marks in the new drapes at a suspicious height.
There are claw marks in the screen doors - all of them - at suspicious heights.
There are claw marks in the new tablecloth.
Your tension rod curtains are on the floor. Again.
Your feet are freezing because she ate your slippers (Deerskin fuzzy booties - now ripped naked).
Your plants seem to be aging rapidly.
Your hair curlers are the latest fav toy and you find them in the drapes - which are ALWAYS askew.
Bobby pins (large ones) and hair bands are also mysteriously vanishing.
You only thought you picked up all the unwrapped tampons! (Think white mice with tails!)
Your big exercise ball is leaking for some strange reason.
She always checks to see if you closed the lid on the toilet and closed the shower doors.
If you accidentally leave a faucet dripping, she climbs up and drinks from it (or from the toilet if handy).
You can't "step out" of the kitchen while fixing your meals since she will leap into them, into the sink, and has been known to remove an entire chicken breast from the frying pan while it was cooking.
(Hot stoves don't stop her.)
She "lurks" and watches for any movement on your part toward the kitchen whether you already fed her or not.
She has a tantrum if the flavor of the Fancy Feast doesn't meet her approval.
The vet says that she is PERFECT but he doesn't have to sleep with her.
She hogs the bed and kneads the covers (and you - which can be fun ----- or not!).
Summer doesn't drink coffee - yet!
Laundry becomes her private domain for hide and seek and slinking into - she thinks she's invisible.
Catnip socks are approached belly-down and stretched out - and she stretches out quite a bit.
Your bare toes are chew toys or something to be rolled on.
Your shoes and your socks and your feet - after work - are better than catnip.
The sofa is to have a blanket draped over the left arm at all times so she can crawl under it (and pretend she's a cougar in a cave). Invade at your own risk. (Your cold feet are vulnerable and can be clawed or bitten.)
She plays peek-a-boo from under the blanket and leaps out at you at unexpected moments.
She is as likely to wash herself on your bed as in her cat tree - usually while snuggled up against you (thereby keeping you awake).
She is a watch cat when you get up during the night and you are not allowed to be out of bed for any long periods of time - a kitten needs her rest and a kitten likes to be warm.
She collapses like the dead when sleeping and scares you to death.
She is big enough now that the cat tree wobbles and is in danger of pitching over when she hits it in a flying leap. There are strange thuds coming from there.
She is miffed when you don't turn on the room space heater (fake gas stove fireplace heater) and it's chilly.
With long claws, carrying her around over your shoulder like a baby is dangerous, however much she likes it.
Laying on the floor to do your physical therapy can get you jumped on, licked or nuzzled depending on her mood.
Queen Summer - 2+ Years
The house in San Diego has birds in the backyard.
Ranger and Summer Napping -
I disturbed the Queen - Horrors!
It's a Lump! It's a Pouf-ball! It's Ranger! Sleeping!
Look Mommy - I'm Rolling on your $$$$ Rug! (The Fat Cat)
BIO:
D. E. White is the author of numerous non-fiction titles, several of the high-tech books of which are being revamped for a new website - FPGA Central (and its sister site - Semiconductor Central). Two are already on-line at dacafe.com. She writes humor and diatribes (over 5000 since 1995) on-line (linked from donnamaie.com). Leukemia Through a Mother's Eyes, Working Mother's Morning, and Adventures in Stalking Fabio are some of her story collections. She runs the Fabio International Fan Club and shares stalkers with the man himself. That she has written a 55,000 word version of The Italian Vampire (staring guess who) for the Fabio fan club not withstanding.
Summer and Ranger - two orange tabby cats she rescued - are the subject of many of her stories and have their own fan club.
Her fans email her if she forgets to update her pages often enough. No rest for the wicked.
|
www.Donnamaie.com my home page