Stalking Fabio 2000

Edited July 4, 2000     

He won't get away!
        He doesn't stand a chance!
        I have a phone number - and a name - for the man who is in charge of setting up this date.
        This second date.
        And I am slowly getting questions that I can ask.
        Like these:

1. Are you really looking for a wife? What specifications? And where do they send the applications? (Because I don't want to get them!)
   
2. Boxer or briefs or..... (Oh really!) What do you sleep in? [I would guess in a bed!]
   
3. Information on your spirituality (I gave them instructions to get the Spa magazine article back issue. Bad photo and all!) Spa magazine - July/August 1999 has a big article and photos.Pg 42-47. You can order a back issue. Back issues of SPA Magazine can be obtained by calling 1-800-835-2722. Ask for ext. # 219 or for R. A. Haynie. They take plastic. Or you can send $5.00 per copy ordered to SPA Magazine; 3939 Leary Way NW; Seattle, WA; 98107. Be sure to mark the envelope: Attn: R. A. Haynie. Enclose a letter informing them of the issue you wish to receive. For example: July/Aug 1999 (his issue). It is also discussed in the "Fabio" book and in different interviews.
   
4. How old are you? (Seems to be a lot of confusion. 39. 41 higher.) [I vote for 39.] How did you celebrate your birthday? (Because we can all help you do better next year!)
   
5. Do you have a serious girl friend? (Because they'd like to apply if you don't. The line forms where?) [Gee - can an older woman dream too?]
   
6. How is THOR doing? (And when will it do it?) Merchandizing? Tour? Anything?
   
7. What's the story on the new website? NIX THIS! It isn't happening.
   
8. Are the novels over with? Would you consider doing a cover? Besides the occasional ICBINB cookbook?. [Like - would you consent to be on the cover of "Adventures in Stalking Fabio" (which I am going to either find someone to publish or I will hire an editor to help me and publish it myself! I can do that!)] What would it take for me to talk you into it? [I have no shame!] [Can you picture this photo shoot? Fabio, my boys and me -- with a large butterfly net!]
   
9. Will you be doing other ICBINB commercials? And do you know how much flak they took because you didn't say the line - or wake up the girl?. Ditto the cookbook cover. i.e., Do you know how loyal your fans really are? [They are still peeling themselves off the ceilings they hit.]
   
10. Now that you surf the web - Do you like the FabioIFC.com website? Comments? What would you like to change? [The bio needs updating.] Do you realize we very nearly have all of your covers on-line (those that are missing or were scanned small will be added or upgraded this summer).
    
11. Do you have a private e-mail? Or are you up on the same account as Eric? [And no I won't tell anyone!] And if so - if I send you 1-2 questions a month - would you answer? (For use on the website.) [Pretty Please?]
    
12. You said in the Washington Post that "If you want a thrill, get on the back of my bike." referring to your dirt bikes. OK. I'm ready. Thrill me! When shall we do this? Pick a date! I'll show up! [Told you. I have no shame!]
    
13. Does your office have a recent autographed photo to send out? Can I get one? What about older photos? [i.e. Feed the web! More! More!] [Does your Mom have any good baby photos we could scan?] [Does your Mom have any stories about you that she could share? How naughty were you!]
    
14. How are the dogs?
    
15. Why do you have 17 dirt bikes in your kitchen? What does your mother say about that? For that matter, do women care? [I would. I'd trip over them trying to make coffee.]
    
16. Repeat question - If the fans send things to the office - Do you really get them? [Because they e-mail me if they don't get an answer! Like I have control!] [Other fan club presidents saw him often - I don't.]
    
17. Would you consider making a better health and exercise video now that you are acting spokesman to the electricfood.com website? [Because I need inspiration to loose weight. And I can't stand the voice track on the other one.]
    
18. Would you let us set up a fan club meeting? If I set it up in LA (so you don't have to travel) and promised body guards (so you don't get molested), arranged for tickets such that people came one day or the other (Sat or Sun, keep the crush down), everyone with a ticket gets 3 minutes (max), the number of tickets was controlled to give you a break at the start (12-1PM) and the end (5PM) and the middle, and charged enough to allow a reasonable contribution (after meeting room charges and refreshments) to a charity of your choice? [I have run Star Trek conventions with 5,000 screaming Trekkies - I think I can handle a small group of Fabio-ites. I would have help.]