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June 26, 2000
I kept my promise to my younger son.
"When you are ready to shape up, I'll get
you a trainer."
Never, ever say something that open-ended
to a teenager!
Visions of revenge light up their eyes.
$2,000 poorer (3-year dual membership - to
any gym on the list), my son and I belong to 24-Hour Fitness.
I've been contemplating this for years.
Did it.
Have trainer. For him. For me.
Needed something to offset the cans of mixed
nuts I eat three times a year. The dark chocolate I crave monthly.
That rare glass of red wine.
Those brownies I used to make at midnight.
I started out OK.
I could walk 10 minutes at 2.1 MPH. I could
pull down 20 lbs. I could leg press 45 lbs.
I could lift 3 and 5 lb. weights. On the machines,
I could handle 8 reps in 1-2 sets, 20 lbs.
That was the start.
My son, all 6'3" of him, does fast lifts.
I do slow twitch. No bulk.
Strength.
Tone.
Health.
He, of course, gets done first.
This is, of course, a signal to make his mother's
life a living hell.
He joins forces with my trainer.
He acts as spotter when I don't have a session.
He won't let me off the treadmill.
He brags how fast he can run and how much
weight he can lift.
He has a different hormone! I remind him of
this.
He flexes in response.
Five weeks later, I am up to 30 minutes at
3.3 MPH. Before training. And 10 minutes at 2.6 MPH at the end.
He makes me rack my own weights.
I am doing pull-downs at 40-50 lbs now.
Back pulls at 45 lbs.
Leg lifts at 205 lbs.
Leg set - 4-5 sets of 8-10 reps.
I am up to 56 lbs on the ab machine.
And 30-40 lbs on the Glute Master (Butt machine).
I am in a coma.
And if I am not, they raise the weight!
They want me to be able to leg-lift Fabio!
(230lbs)
Bench press him! (NONONO - He gets to bench
press me!)
Three times a week I am dragged to the gym
- for 90 minutes minimum.
I live on Alieve.
I seek showers - hot ones.
I like naps.
And in all of this?
I HAVE NOT LOST WEIGHT!
I weigh 166 lbs!
Heavier!
"Because muscle is heavier than fat."
They BOTH tell me.
I know the drill.
Gimme those nuts and put a steak on the BarBQ!
I feel the need for a brownie.
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