2000
| August 5, 2000 I got him ice cream. My younger son actually felt like eating some. They were moving up the delivery time on the fungus stuff (which means I get home before midnight). They started a whole bunch of other stuff - nutrients because he hasn't been eating. Finally. And because they need the volume to keep his veins up. The fungus medsare causing severe shaking during their infusion. He hurt his back from the shaking from the past two nights. I've had that response coming out of anesthesia - it is hell to go through. And other stuff is being fed in - saline drips, etc. And medication for pain and the shakes. I lost count of the bottles. They have multi-feed stations - and three on a pole. They had, at one point, three poles. A forest of poles. Made his getting up very difficult. I took pictures of that mess. They ran a new IV line - because he has so many things hooked up to the chest port - a tinker-toy cluster of valves and clamps and tubes and Y-splits. So we settled in, me with the new MacWorld and him with his ice cream. Eat Haggen Daas now because diets will come later. I'll buy him anything he wants. I'll get a second job. Later. Then he screamed - his arm IV - HURT They ran around a bit I paced after them. (Pain medication is tightly controlled - takes a doctor's order, then a check out - double-teamed for safety.) Wringing your hands and whimpering doesn't move them any faster. The arm IV, it seems, went south - he has the port (because arm IVs go south at will) and he has one IV in his arm (500 cc/hour in his arm) - the speed ruins the arm IV fast - the peripheral veins don't support an IV more than 1-3 days. Why we had the port. But he has a virtual forest hooked up to him. Everything but the kitchen sink. They sent to another unit for a nurse to put a new one in - because his pressure is low (57-60) His cell count is low (.3 today) They may do the biopsy Monday - and they must collapse a lung to do it. And stick in a tube to keep the lung up. And decide what medicine he stays on. Because this one gives him the shakes - severe shaking - takes Demerol to bring them under control. Why I sit here until the early morning hours. Yea God! I am waiting to see a doctor. At 18, he can sign the forms. At a young 18, Mommy will be there! At this point they are dodging my teaching schedule. Hope that holds because it will be a mess if they don't. The doctor says that it's a routine thing they do - collapsing lungs - they will put in a tube for 24 hours to be sure the lung stays up. Better than splitting his chest open. Maybe not Monday - because his counts are down. Seems the cell counts bounce a lot after that first infusion chemo set. If it means he can take some other medication (he had to have Demerol and morphine again due to this one) or that he will be out sooner and can go to school etc. it will be worth it. Have to do it - there are so many variables on the infection Morphine kid. Benadryl (for the rash - which is everywhere now) and tubes and wires. His brother - born 8 weeks early - had a virtual wall of monitors on him for 14 days while he was in the hospital. Tubes were attached everywhere to a five-pound baby. That was 24 years ago. My now ex-second-husband wasn't there for me - I was alone facing a baby that couldn't breathe on his own, low oxygen and all that goes with that. I thought that was pretty rough. Mothers really are steel magnolias. But I feel like I want to go hide my head. Everyone says I have to stay up for him. He worries about me. (He didn't want them to get the sheepskin bed padding - too expensive. Wait a minute kiddo! This may run 1-2 Million dollars - of which I will need to pay 10% - and amazingly - I can. Five years ago I could not have faced this. Now I don't think a bed pad will break me! I just won't be retiring anytime soon.) I have a few words about Alemeda County support services - but I'll leave that for later! When asked about all this complication, one Doctor yesterday said to him, "We don't tell you about all the side effects because it would scare people, and then they wouldn't go for treatment". Like there is a choice. I am staying strong - I didn't throw up while they stuck in yet another needle. - I have a tendency to feel my stomach turn over (stress). I can't bear to see him hurt - and yet I have to. I worked like a dog in the yard this morning - my waist line has vanished (chocolate) and I will be doing the gym tomorrow AM (missed Friday). I am chunky again - back to the diet! Sort of Matronly bloat - damn I had that down more than once! I eat chocolate, cheese and crackers, share ice cream, and am generally bad. Eat dinner here at the hospital - chicken nuggets and salad (bad because of the grease). I eat oatmeal at 2AM and too much coffee and soda as a way to keep from falling asleep and driving off the edge of the Dunbarton bridge. I need to pick a writing project and get going - get focused - but first - a centerfold ad must be run. In RT. Last one until I have a new product. I need to learn "FREDDIE" (Ingram) (Monday) (or not) and apply to Barnes and Noble (I still haven't waded through that). I am hearing from fans who have read my novel "Jettison"- and they are looking for the next part of the saga. Everybody likes the characters - I do too. Hellsfire is a bit on the heavier action side - kidnapping and drugs and pirates and wild evil characters. Good people too. And a new look at the wild powers of the Kali. And more about Karihl and the Kashin warrior women. I do like the warriors. They tend to do things I haven't planned. They also nag me. To write. Of course I keep misspelling Karihl's name. Like I can't make up my mind. Indicates that I am distracted don't you think? Wonder why! |
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