|
February 13, 2001
I just watched the Fabio E! Special.
I was on the Fabio special. I am now a basket-case.
Faced with the fact that I am no longer 25. Nor will I ever look 25 again.
I am just 25 in my head.
I have decided that I need:
1. A diet - you can see the weight gain -
this was filmed one week before the RT convention November 2000 - and
I have gained since that - stress, stress, stress. And an Ulcer. Wonder
why? Besides, I want my hips to stop hurting.
2. A new hair style - UGH! - too much hair
- too thick - looks better short or shagged and certainly streaked. Actually
looks good pulled back like Beatrice had hers - makes my eyes pop - my
current hairstyle looks like a football helmet. Sally Field. Steel Magnolias.
Message there.
3. A facelift - those jowls and the fat face!
UGH! Even if it was the camera "adding a few pounds". It's those damn
truffles! I know where the box is! And I have no willpower! And gravity
knows where I am. And it doesn't have any will power either.
4. New teeth (my crowns are whiter than the
front teeth - which are the only uncrowned teeth I have left (6 up and
6 down) I look like I have really bad teeth! And I don't! But they could
stand to be straightened - if you can straighten capped teeth. And I need
to bleach them again. Haven't had the time. Haven't cared. Maybe they
will all fall out and I will get a perfect bridge! I just broke another
one.
5. I have to learn NOT to roll my eyes when
I am talking - I did that on the Synopsys training tape. The training
tape is not well-lit so I really had jowls and then very dark eyes (my
normal eyeshadow is black and dark violet) and then you get this flash
of white. Shocking. Comes from all my training about not staring into
people's eyes when speaking to them. New England manners. I learned to
move my eyes from subject to subject in the classroom. Hard to stop for
a camera. You have to stare at this red dot. The whole time. Gag!
6. Need to redesign my makeup - it looks fine
in daylight - not under all those lights - it was a paler blue but frosted
and the lights picked it up - It looks neon - I should have had a makeup
person there. And a hairstylist. And a limo. And an assistant. And a stylist
who picked my dress. etc. Just have to get famous so I can afford all
that. Then I can be all that. My younger son said I looked "white",
as in too damn pale. Comes from living in Northern California. There was
SNOW on the hills. Hills I have climbed with the Boy Scouts. SNOW! No
wonder we are burning up our gas supplies!
7. Need to get and learn to wear long eyelashes.
And have my eyeliner tattooed on. Age robs you of your eyelashes. And
your eyebrows (they get unruly, turn white, etc.). Cosmetic help is required!!!!!!
Might tattoo my lips rose while I'm at it. Just for the shear hell of
it. Maybe a rose tattoo on my behind. If they can find a flat spot.
8. Must get a shallow laser peel - to correct
the few scars not yet gone from the deeper laser peel. I was supposed
to go back for that. And do something about the eye-bags. They can do
one more lower eye lift (did one - about 20 years ago). If you lift your
eyes more than twice - you won't be able to close them! I don't know what
Hollywood does - but thanks, I like to close my eyes. Whenever possible.
Hides the dust.
I should have finished all this touchup some
time back - guess I've been SLIGHTLY DISTRACTED. A kid with cancer sort
of makes all this unimportant doesn't it?
Of course, to get Fabio's interest (according
to the special), I apparently have to be about 23, tall, thin, be wrinkle-free,
have long not-unruly hair, have dark eyes, be a model, etc. etc. - you
have to watch the special.
I can't see me putting a pile of laundry in
that spotless livingroom. Or hanging a bra off one of those very expensive
stereo speakers. (My friend said I could probrblay come up with all kinds
of places to put one - judging from my living room - I probably could.)
Of course, sometimes that can be fun.
And how would I ever store all my stuff in
a garage filled with 85 motorcycles?
And those dogs - mine would either be terrorized
- or would herd them like sheep. Trim herds my boys very well. She just
was lousy with sheep. She was good with cows.
And I can just picture Ranger and Little Bitch
with the leather couch! Or for that matter, using those very big speakers
for scratching posts!
Knitting needles and sewing pins do not go
well with leather.
And the driveway! He has too many cars. After
all, I already have three. And a fourth is in the wings. Hmmmm.
I knew we had something in common!
|
