Messing Up the Diet

2002 Story Set

September 1, 2002
      I have discovered new ways to mess up my diet.
      Angel food cake is a relatively low fat food. Not low calorie, egg white, and a lot of sugar, but low fat.
      It ceases to be in this category when you slather it with low-fat peanut butter. Or jam.
      Low fat brownie mix - made lethal by a large bar of special dark chocolate. I turned the nurses into addicts.
      A lean lunchmeat sandwich with mustard - destroyed with a slice or two of real cheese.
      Decaf coffee and Sweet & Low - ruined with chocolate syrup and steamed milk. Rescued as bit by making that non-fat milk and skipping the whipped cream. Starbuck's strikes again.
      And, since you are not making it, why not 16 oz instead of 8?
      Why not indeed.
      Did someone say a few walnuts and almonds are good for you? Not by the handful!
      Bananas are good for you - just not baked into banana and walnut bread. With 1 Cup of sugar in it.
      Have Medifast for breakfast - and ruin it with an egg by 10AM. Which means something else for lunch.
      Fresh fruit is desirable - strawberries, blue berries and raspberries. Just not baked into shortcakes and cobblers. Yum.
      Portobello mushrooms are good for you - not when drowned in Alfredo cream sauce!!!! Over a plate of spaghetti!
      Work in a place where snack food is everywhere - and I do mean everywhere. They have cereal, lollypops, snack sized candy, sodas, coffee, cup o' soup mixes, even a gallon of soy sauce!
      OK. Defeat! Have breakfast there! Medifast's new mix shakes up fast and is not lumpy. Don't need a blender. No more excuses!
      Lay off the Starbuck's and try sleeping,
      Close your eyes when walking downstairs to the loo - ignore that bowl of candy.
      Forget you saw where the Almond Joys are stashed.
      Carry carrot sticks, celery and dental floss.
      Limit of 1 can diet soda per day. Nurse it.

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