2002 Story Set
| May 30, 2002 This is nothing new. I can never find the bloody things! So I have trained myself. Throw them by the purse when you step in the door. Put them IN the purse. Put the purse by the door. Occasionally, I need the keys. I take them out of the purse. And then I need to put them back. Sometimes I forget to do that. I get distracted. This can lead to mass hysteria as, in the fifth pass around the house looking in all probable places, I fail to find the things! I start to tense up. I start to yell. I start to complain at the top of my lung, asthma or no I have good lungs, that I am mad as Hxxx! (Not heck.) I am PO'd! I am furious. My son tells me to calm down and "look in the last place you saw them." Cute kid. What I always tell HIM. What boggles my mind is that, should I get the lumbering child actually on his feet and looking, I will immediately find the keys. He also insists that he is going to put a very large hook on the wall by the door and force me to hang things there. He did not get up today. He's caught on to the strange phenomena of the key search and insists I just keep looking. My purse was disassembled earlier this week. This upsets things. I am upset because when I went to the mandatory "orientation" for unemployment, I took a water bottle because I could not talk (laryngitis) and was still coughing. The water bottle was one with a sticky top and it did not close. It of course leaked all over the purse and its contents (including my checkbook) and the pad for the seat in the new truck. By the time I had reachd unemployment, the purse had begun to leak black ink everywhere, which I had mopped up. I had fled to the restroom and stuffed paper towels all over the purse and took some to sit it on. Good thing. I couldn't find the culprit pen. Could not find the leak. When I got home, I dumped out my purse, wiped down my checkbook and emptied all the emergency asthma stuff out of the bag. Everything. I found the missing cards for the two doctors (I have made appointments). I also found the leaking pen. The purse I took outside and hosed down. Literally. Until the water ran clear. I left it to dry and left everything else on the counter. The one next to the sink. Where I went to look when I could not find my keys this morning. After the purse was sun-dried (inside out since it is black), I brought it back in. But I did not load it. Today is blood test and perhaps a movie if I can get the kid into the shower. His favorite vampire quit her job and we go to a new Unilab for the weekly blood test. No cute redhead. I began to assemble my purse. I found the wallet, moved when I took a phone call. I found the checkbook, out for action since I must mail bills tomorrow or Friday. Late again. Well, not really. I have pens. The culprit pen was a Synopsys pen. Adding insult to injury. I had my medication. I note that I need eight Rx refills. Egad. At $10.00 each. These are for me. But no bloody keys! I tare around the house. All areas are suspect. I even go outside, where I note that the recycle bin is still sitting there. Maybe I missed them. It can sit there until next week. It is stuffed. I stuffed it this morning. I am wet (shower) and in a caftan and circling the house. My nerves are going. I am beginning to shout. Screaming is next. I have a headache. Neuralgia. That's what the doctor calls it. I suddenly remember. I haven't gone anywhere since the fiasco at unemployment. I search the other kitchen counter. Sure enough. There they were. Snugly tucked under the watermelon. Where else would they be? |
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