2002 Story Set
| June 26, 2002 My friend and email sister Pepper, who started the Naked in the Kitchen routine with her first wild story, is not to be stopped. First, she sent me false eyelashes (which I have yet to put on - maybe tomorrow). One pair is even equipped with rhinestones. And then she sent me pink rubber gloves. So I could join ranks. She passed the web story to CJ, a cover model we know, who now thinks that this would be good for husbands, trapped into floor scrubbing, to do as well. He recommended baseball caps along with the blue rubber gloves for such men. We gave CJ himself yellow ones. It was all Wal-Mart had at that time. (I had no idea that pink, blue and white rubber gloves were so hard to come by!) (In fact, I would prefer purple ones. Women over 60 should wear lavender. It's kinder to our wrinkles.) Must speak to the buyer! Then she copied the Naked in the Kitchen story off the web and handed it out to men in Alaska (where she was visiting her sister). These men promptly bid for services. Double the going hourly rate. I did not ask for what. I've been single too long! Now she tells me that her husband caught her scrubbing the kitchen floor the other day and complained that she was not naked. He chastised her with, "I thought you were the Naked Housewife and did that naked??? You've got clothes on!" He was disappointed. (Remember that she is about 20 years younger than me. When such a sight can still be stimulating.) Seems he works from a home office when in town. "Oh, alright," she replied ...and shucked her pj's but couldn't find her pink rubber gloves. They settled for her wearing white ones and it did go over better. With him. I reminded her that no one was to actually be IN the house when kitchen floor scrubbing in the nude. She said she forgot. I recommended that since he now worked at home, she should tie her husband to his office chair before beginning to scrub the floor sans clothing. After all, this procedure is designed to allow us to properly commune with the floor seeing as how we are in so much contact with it. Of course, it also helps to remember to close the drapes and blinds before engaging in this activity. Both the tying up of the husband and the nude floor scrubbing, that is. She had forgot that step too. Seems her third floor neighbor has been shell-shocked. She said, "Don't know if my neighbor is cute, he seemed dressed at least from the waist up (I mean, there was a balcony in front of him from the waist down. All I remember is the completely STUNNED look in his eyes, and as I remember it, I probably had the same STUNNED expression on my own face. I mean, if I'm going to get caught running around naked, I want to be caught in full makeup, at least, and not with a bare face! I have my standards." And I thought I was wild! My floor needs scrubbing now too, especially with two pesky cats and a dog tearing about the place, but I haven't figured out how to keep my semi-invalid but now ambulatory son in his room. (It depends on the current chemo how ambulatory he can get.) Of course, I could just flash him. Think of it - all 180 lbs well-muscled if well-cushioned body of a 60-year-old woman streaking to the kitchen. What a sight. But then it might scar him for life and after all, I do want grandchildren. Of course I would be in full make up. I have standards too. Pepper's been teaching me. Besides, I have already scared enough FexEx guys to last a lifetime. Although, it comes in handy for door to door salesmen! Come to think of it, I haven't seen any for quite awhile. |
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