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Date: October 29, 2004
I was tired and who would not be? Overweight, my thyroid too low (my hair falling out) and stumbling between home, hospital and the office, I am occasionally overwhelmed.
November first my benefits start and I will schedule a full physical, get the thyroid sorted out, and demand an angiogram. Family history being a problem.
I weigh in at 200 and have become very frustrated.
If I do not eat, I about pass out.
If I do, it stores it.
This is stress-gain and then add the low thyroid and the lowered estrogen (a mistake people - I started HRT in 1993 ----- put it back!), and I am a puff-ball.
You could surgically remove this tire and put in on the VW.
I look fine from the front, but I DO look my age, and I am resisting this.
I need to work.
Not look like an old fat bat.
As opposed to the fat bastard of the movies.
I will look like that if things are not brought under control.
Candy? Seldom.
Wine, yes, seldom.
White stuff? Since the hospital, yes but I keep it to a minimum. I prefer rye and wheat. Rye mostly. Sprouted rye if I can get to Trader Joe's.
Pasta - leftovers from John.
OK - must go back to skipping that.
Cheese - must get off it? Atkins? If I really do Atkins, it had worked, a little, but not much.
Can't artificially rev a fixed metabolism.
Back into the gym? The orthodics are relieving the hip pain, not the tailbone, not the heel. I want to go back but I have been out a year. On and off workouts at home are not enough.
Walking at the office? Yes. I started walking at lunchtime (when not on an errand) and I am trying to see that is not interrupted. Walk at odd times. Meetings late in day.
I am also climbing the stairs twice a day. Will move to three times a day.
See if the legs will now allow it with the orthodics in place. I can climb once now without passing out (short of breath).
Problem is I don't know if the inserts work for heels.
I want to wear different heel heights.
Clothes in size XL from QVC fit but I have found that clothes must be 1X from anyone else.
I am returning a lot to one catalog.
Upset with another.
Body suits bought thru the mail are a hazard - look like they are "lightweight" but they are tough as a tire and no way do they come over the thigh!
My waist is a size 3X, my hips a 16, and my chest 18W. I look like this baby is due any minute. (Maternity girdle??? Might work----)
Meanwhile, my son is struggling to recover from the last chemo. He is bald again (starting to regrow), in a unit where nurses are unused to air controls.
They gave him shots to bring up his counts.
They came up - white count to 2.7.
They stopped the shots to see how well he was doing on his own.
They dropped to 1.0 and may drop further.
The nurses in E Ground do not wash their hands and they leave his door open. This after I spent $58,000 for a clean room at home.
The doctors will restart the shots (industrial strength Nupergyn or ProGraf) if they get too low to prevent infection. His bone marrow is tired (understatement) and slow to recover (has been for years).
Any wonder why I am STRESSED!@!!!
His girlfriend has been in days to help but she starts her new job on Monday.
I came in to find the hospital short on platelettes.
My son is O+.
So the other day, being stressed, I left the kitchen door shut - but not shut tightly enough - when I left for work.
The dog, feeling frisky (rain coming) charged the door as she does.
She got it open.
I came home from the hospital (over the Dunbarton bridge, which I can manage since my high source of carbs is a Starbuck's Light Mocha (bottled - 14) or hot (37)). Sometimes two.
(Ah ha! )
I found, at midnight, that the back door was wide open.
The dog was in the living room.
The cats were out.
The dog went out. If she hadn't run, it would have been assisted.
Yelling at her doesn't teach her anything (she's smart, she hung her head, she knew damn well that she had done a bad thing). She then tried to bolt back in. No no! I left her out for two hours.
I began, throat scratchy, to call Ranger.
The wind was up.
It was cold.
I heard him, couldn't find him. This went on and on.
Ah ha!
He was on the roof.
Now we have been careful to keep the little devil in the house and we have the new deck.
He could not get down off the roof and proceeded to whine and cry and roll around on the roof (belly-up - as in - get me Mommy).
I had my small ladder handy but I was NOT getting up on the roof at 200 lbs! Flexible at 135 maybe.
So --- I called and coaxed.
And he came close and then stepped out of reach.
Three times.
Last time, I grabbed a leg.
I dragged him over and into my arms (head down, very undignified) and took him into the house. He did not struggle. I carry him like that on occasion. He's a big cat.
I looked around the house but saw no sign of the black and white tank.
Little Bit is nowhere.
I shut the house, and am careful every day now to BOLT the back door.
I even drove BACK to the house yesterday to check.
The first day after this, I heard the dog test the door.
She has so far shredded two screen doors, and ripped the molding off the back door.
She has also relandscaped the back yard and taken out another section of fence (I found it before she had managed to get through it). She has dirt wallows everywhere, even when least expected (I put logs into them when found).
Little Bit has been seen, and food I put out (ever closer to the house) is being eaten.
God help the kid that messes with that cat.
Halloween is too close.
I have to try to get her inside.
For the good of the neighborhood children.
She is one feral cat.
Ranger meanwhile rolls about and demands attention, and watches the window.
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