Burning Down the House

Date: December 23, 3004

      Here comes Christmas.
     
      And I set fire to my kitchen (I think I inherited this tendency toward burning up pans, etc.)
     
      Being tired and distracted and having just scrubbed the floor on my hands and knees -- I put a pan of cooking oil on to heat up and forgot it . I was planning on french fried tater tots (extra crispy) which I have made before in a frying pan and oil on the electric stove.
     
      When I left the room to check his IV line, I thought I turned the heat down. I didn't. I turned it on high

      The IV line is problematic. As in starting it. Casperfungen is a pain in the butt - I have to load a syringe - add a needle to do that - then remove needle (sharp's container) and screw syringe onto ball (sellf dispensing). Then reseal ball and flush his line. Then atttach Casper Fungen ball to deliver (1 hour) - then flush his line. Anything touching Casperfungen is put in the sharp's container (when full - return to hospital). This is sterile field operation - clean hands, etc. Alcohol swabs. etc.After warming up the stuff for three hours. I then spike an IV bag and hang it (on the garage door tracks or the step ladder if he is in the family room.)

      And change bags after an hour or so. Two bags. And then flush his line again, this time with Heperin.

      It can be distracting.
      Whoopsie.
     
      Then I went to MY room and must have zoned out momentarily (I do that) while checking on infomercials (we want the new express Jack LaLanne juicer) - - just blank out. Fugue state.
     
      Totally FORGOT the pan on the stove - fugue state - I get in them when distracted and tired
     
      Ooops
     
      I came to my senses when the alarms started wailing (I have a lot of them - on the shelves, the can rack, the ceiling ---) I evidently do have a lot of alarms - but they need to be LOUDER!
     
      I ran to the kitchen, barefoot in my tank top and shorts, worn for scrubbing the floor, my brain having now engaged itself.
     
      The flames were reflecting off the other wall outside the kitchen as I came around the corner. Flames! Egad! Not just smoke then.
      I grabbed the pan off the stove so it could stop trying to light the cabinet on fire.
      Spilled some on the floor (lit the rug). There was black smoke roiling around. (I could see OK however.)
     
      5 alarms screaming at me and 5-6 foot flames ---- .
     
      I put it out in the sink (when I set it there - it was still burning - flames licked up that wall - tile) so I put it out with a bath towel that I had rescued from behind a cabinet when washing the floor - don't ask.
     
      Microwave --- oven ---- wall ---- ceiling ----- rug (throw rug)
     
      Oooops !
     
      I was screaming at the top of my lungs - my son did not hear me.
     
      I called 911 (so they could decide if I needed things ripped off the wall or not - flames can get behind things). (Turns out - the flames WERE making a chimney between the microwave and the cabinet - but they didn't catch that - I did when we pulled the microwave down 10 days later.)
     
      They said - go outside (black smoke everywhere). I was opening windows - had fetched my son for a moment. I put him outside. I was turning on fans, opening windows. Lots of 6' sliding doors. Even if the dog had ripped the bejeebers out of three of the screen doors that go with them.
     
      Cute firemen (three trucks - 2 paramedic units and a hook and ladder - plus the chief and a cop car and a few looky-lous) for a fire I had said was OUT (turns out to be SOP).
     
      They said their fan was bigger than mine -------- and promptly turned it on - and blew leaves all over my livingroom.
     
      My son is laughing his ass off - I put him outside in the truck with his little self-inflicting IV ball (Casperfungen) to watch all this - he was vastly amused - had a fire joke every 15 minutes----- .
     
      My microwave melted .
     
      My oven works -------- but has bent and melted top panel and generaly resembles a Slavador Dali painting. (Contractor later said pull it out.)
     
      My track lighting is toast. (We recovered all but one light - working on it.)
     
      I turned the rug over - hell with that! I need a new frying pan. It is definely not recoverable.
     
      The ceiling is a mess - needs scrub and paint. (Done.)
     
      The wall is a bit of a mess - scrub and paint. (Coming along.)
     
      The cabinet (One door) is bubbly - the contractor said it would clean up ---- (It won't. Now needs replacing. I tried. They tried. I tried some more. It is history. I did scrub up the rest.)
     
      I removed the soot from the sink and backsplash. Every tool hanging up is sooty.
     
      The white rug in the family room and hall isn't .
     
      Loose laundry is re-washed and my bedding changed by night time (got there) - my room was open - its alarm went off. I had the door open and the ceiling fan running. Big Whoop. Pushed soot onto the laundry pile on the bed.
     
      I cleaned the ceiling fan before I went to bed and now that I could see them, dry mopped the beam ceiling in the kitchen since the dust webs had turned black (convenient). Should spray the webs with soot everytime I want to track the things down. (Spiders and gas heat make them.)
     
      I must have been over-tired.
     
      I had just scrubbed the kitchen floor on my hands and knees.
      Thank heavens I didn't do it Naked (As in Naked Housewife).
     
      I was bra-less in shorts, no makeup and my hair wild - I did step into shoes and grab a flannel shirt. Perky was not something I was feeling with these guys roaming my house!
     
      Eight hunks roaming my house and I am a mess!!! NOT FAIR!!!
     
      Whirlpool appliances (when I went to get them) are back ordered----- drats - no turkey for me!!!
     
      Ha ha!
     
      After the firemen had left, about two hours later, while considering the $1,000 deductible, I got the mail --- and some one left me $$$$$$ --- and another check coming.
     
      Ha ha again! Someone is watching over me.

      I was laughing when they left - they were all looking around my house for the alarms - 6 of them were going off. I said "They work".

      I was laughing because Pepper and I have a contest - see the Flouring Inferno - and I have now won. She said she would not try to top this! (Setting your kitchen ablaze runs in my family. And many others. It is very, very common.)

      And afterwards got out an old one that is LOUDER and fitted it up near the kitchen. I am still scrubbing down walls. I have called for help.
     
      Instead of fried potato tots and fish I settled for an ice cream sundae for lunch.
     
      Merry Christmas and Happy New Year !

Monday.
     
      Saturday at 2:25 PM was the fire - check came at about 5 PM - went to a party later - brought my own wine
     
      Stanford just flagged me --- he has to go in tomorrow - they MISREAD HIS LABS TODAY and sent him home early (and I had to go fetch him - couldn't find deb) and here he needed blood------ GRRRRR. Second time they pulled this stunt.
     
      Tomorrow is my driver's license apt - 3pm in FREMONT . (Got it.)
     
      Can they mess me up any more???
     
      Contractor coming in the morning.
     
      Maybe I can get my son a ride in -------- then I can just drive madly over the bridge and back - or maybe a ride home - and I can drive madly over the bridge and back. Either way - I am $%#^*$%^%!@!!!!\
     
      I did put in for TOP is it?? Time off.
      I give up
     
      This is too much
     
      I was out shopping for stove (Jan 12th) microwave hood convention unit (12/24)
      and my son (still laughing over the fire) wanted one (combo) while I was at it (Jan/5).
     
      Waiting for Wells Fargo to blow a fuse - over $2000 on my VISA .
     
      Well - I've been known to spend more faster.
      They really should be used to this.

      After Christmas, my helpful brother (lives in Florida) rushed out and bought me a Presto Fry Daddy. I laughed my own ass off.